Crazy as a FoxP2

(I typed this up last night under the influence of some homemade FOXP2 drugs. I thought about deleting the post, but then though maybe it would be a decent cautionary tale. I kinda learned the hard way on this, such is curiosity, maybe I can help a few people learn the easy way.)

I'm not sure I should be typing right now. I don't think what I'm going to talk about will come across well. It's fragmented, like I try to say something and I don't really have words. Or I have words, and they don't arrange themselves right. Like trying to talk in only one dimension. Wait, that's not a metaphor, that's what I'm trying to do. I mean like, ah, fuck it. I'm abusing hyperlinks already. (Not that that has anything to do with metaphor. Why and I skipping ahead in my reasoning just to come back and fill in the blanks?)

A friend of a friend hooked me up with an open source formula for the FoxP2 drugs for my son's autism. (Spelled it wrong before. Why didn't I notice? I guess I never cared much for accurate language before. If you knew what I meant... Whoo, tangent.) So I procured the necessary equipment and ingredients for the experiment. After a few days my first batch were finished. (I'd link the instructions, but in a minute maybe you see why I don't. Or maybe you see already. Or maybe you hear. I taste it right now, synesthesia is like that.) (I'm sure they, I mean you, can find them if you want to anyway.) Before giving weird homemade drugs to my son, however, they needed to be adequately tested. So I've taken some myself.

This is not the first time I've tried a cognitive enhancer. This is reminding me why I never kept on them. I don't think my family is really noticing the difference (Because it's in my head. Get it?) But I can tell I'm more fragmented than normal. When it first kicked in I had the right words for things, but then soon I ran out of words, or the words were inadequate, or I couldn't talk in one sentence at once, and it all collapsed back on itself (like this sentence and the first paragraph.) I became incoherent. I don't think my family is really noticing the difference.

This is not the first time I've been a little unhinged. Noone lives with me this long without meeting the me that does the things that I don't do. Normally, abnormally, The normative is not formative and the formant remains dormant. I mean, we're all mad here. You'd have to be crazy not to be mad. I'm just saying, They've seen me like this before, and they probably won't connect it to the drug. Hell, It's mostly language based, and my reasoning in that department is always a little fuzzy.

I don't think I'll be giving these to my son. I can rule out the idea they were cut, since I made them myself. I know I'm not on a trip or a hallucinogen. I think that boosting your brainpower can have unintended consequences. Like how when someone with ADHD takes ritilin, it calms them down (Because stimulants stimulate the normally inactive regulatory parts of the brain into working), but if you give them to someone normal they start acting hyper. It giveth with one hand and taketh away with the other. I think that maybe a drug meant to treat autism wil have very weird effects on a person who is normal. Or even me. Hell, drugs meant to treat what I do have always had weird effects, Bipolar disorder and ADHD interact strangely on their own, and in the end it was easier to quit the world everyone else had than it was to adjust. But I can't rule out that I did something wrong in production either. (And maybe this is something else, it's not like you have a control group for your experiment, dumbass.) Science, I'm doing it wrong.

So I'm thinking this wasn't a good idea, and this isn't a good idea, and that maybe we can't decide we should get smarter because we're not smart enough to know if being smarter is a smart thing to do. I'm not sure being smarter is wise. A lot of things make sense that don't normally, but not in ways that I can articulate, which makes me wonder, because I thought articulation would improve. I don't think it's the faculties but the language I'm using. And this pesky linear idea transmission. (Oh dear, we're back to the beginning.) I mean, maybe I'm enhanced but I'm not functional. The new features broke the program. I don't know if the bugs can be fixed or if the project should be scrapped. But I think I'm not willing to try the homemade thing anymore.