Trouble with Homeowners associations, code officials.

Well, I suppose I've encountered my first SAVI, or person who stands in the way of survival. Our counterparts, if you will, the Jokers to our batman, only considerably lamer.

Charles Englebert is the president of my neighborhood's homeowner's association, and I think he'd be OK with everyone on the block starving to death so long as it didn't reduce his property values. He came by today to tell me that we were in violation of several of the regulations of the homeowners covenant. I tried to tell him that these were extraordinary times and we should forget the silly rules, which made him horribly indignant. He went on a tirade of how rules were rules and exceptions had to go through proper channels etc etc. Well, here's news for you, about half the people in our neighborhood rent. The actual owners of those properties are the ones who get to vote on matters, and they usually can't be bothered. Which means that we never have enough votes to change anything, which is why Chuckles is still the president of the association. Fucker.

So I told him to blow his smoke somewhere else, because some of us have better things to do than play in his stupid power games, and I had no compelling reason to care. He'd have to take it up with my grandparents, who were the actual property owners. No, of course the florida number doesn't work, who in their right mind lives in Florida anymore? No, I won't give you their new number or tell you where they live now, and if you care so much about property you will kindly get off mine.

So A few days later he comes back with a code official from the city, who starts writing me up for code violations. We have more chickens than the city allows, we can't have vegetables growing in the front lawn, greywater recycling is Illegal, etc. etc. I think there were 34 someodd infractions, and that's just what he could identify without coming inside. We'd probably be in real trouble if he found the composting toilets.

Somehow Charles found the tires on his hybrid SUV slashed overnight. None of our neighbors saw anything, and will be receiving their baskets of fresh veggies and eggs tomorrow morning.

In all seriousness, I've gotten away with breaking code for so long because most of the neighbors are friends and Noone reported me. Even Charles wasn't this big a meanie until recently, I think something else in his life has him stressed out and he decided to take it out on us. Now I've got the city breathing down my back and one week to dismantle the very things my life depends on. Anyone have suggestions?